Yesterday at lunch we were discussing sports, as usual, and people were taking turns naming people that they really didn’t like. Eventually someone said they would like to punch A-Rod in the face. I thought this was hilarious and was told by one of my co-workers (John) that I should make a list of my top 5 sports personalities to punch in the face and post it on here for everyone to read.
So here we go as I not only name my 5 sports personalities to punch but also the 5 sports personalities that I would like to shake hands with. Also when you're done reading make a list of your own and post it for my enjoyment.
Rules: Sports personality includes athletes, broadcasters, former athletes, sports executives, agents, and anyone who is related to sports in some way. The person does have to be alive but they can be retired and not affiliated with sports anymore except in name. Please try and refrain from picking women.
People to Punch Square in the Face
5. Jerome Bettis – I’ve never seen anyone make an entire career out of falling forward. “The Bus” was diagnosed with severe asthma when he was a child yet played running back in the NFL. How is this possible? Because he doesn’t run, he falls forwards for 2-3 yards and people think he is great. The fact that he has a ring is brutal and if it wasn’t for Ben Roethlisberger tripping over his own feet and stopping Nick Harper he would be one of the biggest choke artists in history.
4. JP Ricciardi – Has been killing the Blue Jays since they hired him in 2001. He has brought in loser after loser and has yet to get the right players to take the Jays deep into the playoffs. He also makes stupid comments like saying Adam Dunn doesn’t like playing baseball and acts like he is smarter than everyone else. He pretended to be a believer in Moneyball and yet he goes about running the team like he is George Steinbrenner. For all this he has earned himself a place on the list and a shot to the mouth.
3. Joakim Noah – Not only is he one of the ugliest people in all of sports but he also has an ego problem. “I really don’t feel like there is another player like me." Except every other big man who has played college ball before. But nice try uggo. Noah also started showing up late for practices in the NBA and was arrested for drug charges and driving drunk. His lack of real talent makes me wonder if he would have been so successful without guys like Al Horford and Corey Brewer around him. After the Gators 2006 NCAA Tournament win Noah preformed the stupidest dance I have ever seen and earned himself a place in my books as a tool forever.
Here is the link to the dance I was talking about: http://youtube.com/watch?v=bQ3y5hTHuP4
2. Derek Jeter – Never before has there been anyone more fake in all of sports. People always talk about Derek Jeter like he is the greatest thing ever and he donates every dollar he makes to charity and bleeds the cure for cancer. He is just another ball player who is vastly overpaid and is blatantly jealous of Alex Rodriguiez. Ever since A-rod came to town Jeter isn’t the star anymore and you can tell it bothers him when reporters come up to him and ask him questions about A-rod. His fakeness can’t hide his true feelings and this pretty boy deserves a mean right hook.
1. Phil Mickelson – The US Open in 2006 will forever be my favorite event in all of sports history. Phil was up by 1 stroke going into the 18th hole on the final day and ended up making double bogey and losing the championship. Yet people still feel the need to compare him to Tiger. Tiger Woods would never have done that, as he isn’t some fluke like Phil. Phil has 3 major championships and Tiger has 14 that’s not even close. The worst was during the 2005 masters Phil and Tiger were paired together and shown walking down the course. A graphic came up that said between these men they have 4 Masters Championships. Some people might see that and think oh man these guys are great when in reality Tiger had 3 of them! You could have done that graphic with any number of people and it would have looked the exact same. Golf is always looking for someone to make Tigers nemesis and I guess Phil fell into that role. But Phil has started to believe his own hype. Since Tiger has been out of action this year Phil has failed to win an event. Thought you were supposed to be second best Phil? Phil deserves more than one punch and if it was possible he would have gotten all 5 in a mean flurry to the body and temple.
Honorable Mention: Michael Landsberg for being a hack, Chad Pennington for not being able to throw more than 15 yards, Cristiano Ronaldo for being a diver and making soccer look bad
People to Shake Hands With
5. Billy Beane – Revolutionized baseball and the way GMs approach the game. He also is the GM of one my favorite baseball teams the Oakland A’s.
4. George St. Pierre – Canadian and is also one of the best fighters in the world. He also destroyed Matt Hughes and Matt Serra, two guys who came close to making the Punch in the Face List
3. Roger Federer – Best tennis player of all time and a real class act.
2. Joe Namath – Won the Superbowl for the greatest team in the NFL the NY Jets. He was also a real cool guy who seems like a great guy to hang out with.
1. Tiger Woods – Greatest golfer ever. Plus it would be fun to ask him if he hates Phil as much as I do.
Honorable Mention: Tom Brady cause he’s Tom Brady, Cam Neely because he’s one of the best all around hockey players ever, Goran Pandev for being the best Macedonian soccer player in the world, Tony Reali for being so damn cool
4 comments:
5- NHL- Alex Yashin-
To start off, id like to say that Yashin was probably one of the most over rater players to play in the NHL. Im aware of his one good season in 1998 where he gathered 94 points in 82 games. But to let that one season get to your head and refuse to play the very next season because you're not making enough millions is proposterious. Life's rough eh Alex? Play the game and grow up.
4- MLB- Alex Rodriguez
Alex Rodriguez hits a ball and runs bases for 27.5 Million dollars a year. That alone is a joke and should earn him a broken nose. But with a salary like that, how can you not be the most selfish human being on the planet? The only thing he cares about is himself and his numbers. The Hanky-panky Yankee also lacks heart for his team and fans. Unlike teammate Derek Jeter.
3- MLB- Barry Bonds
Barry Bonds is a cheater. A liar. And worst of all, a criminal. I wont even get into details because its already well known just how much of a dirt bag this guy is. He does not deserve to be in the Hall of fame and should consider a carrer in the NBA with the San Antonio Spurs. (Im sure the Spurs are already looking into it.)
2- NHL- Ted Nolan
Just looking at the guy's face tells it all. Scumbag. It's behond me how this guy got another coaching job after sleeping with (at the time) Buffalo Sabers forward Alex Mogilny's wife. Could you betray your teammate any worse?
1- NHL- Patrick Roy
Im aware of the guy's numbers and ability to win key hockey games, but it really doesnt excuse the fact that he acts like a 14 year old adolescent. His cocky showboats and selfish attitude is no winner in my books. In the game of hockey you should have something called class. Something Patrick has never heard of. Like On Apr 01, 1998. The big 6 ft 2, 190 pound goof feels its nessesary to beat up 5 ft 10, 165 pound Red wings goaltender Chris Osgood. This is for no reason by the way. Or how about the famous puck scoop that ended up in his own net in attempt to taunt the Detroit wings back in the 01 west final? Im so glad that he has a son who is involved in hockey now. (heavy sarcasm) He , and his son belong in the circus along with the rest of the clowns.
People to Punch in the face:
5) Rick Jeanneret - He is the Buffalo Sabres colorman and is well known for his ridiculous calls and very unique, however extremely annoying voice. I cannot stand hearing him.
4) Matt Serra - Loud mouth new yorker. Not even a good new yorker, he's a long islander. He just looks like a jacked Joe Pesci. Matt Hughes said it best saying Serra was a fluke and is not even top 10 in the welterweight division. Easily my most hated personality in MMA, even more disliked then Joe Rogan. I cannot wait for Serra to fight Matt Hughes and just get PWND like GSP did to his ribs. Thankfully though, Matt Serra was on the receiving end of one of the most impressive knockouts, which I am more than happy to post for you now.Enjoy. http://youtube.com/watch?v=1dplUstqEh8
3) Daniel Alfreddsson - OMG such a goofy looking, punk, swede. I cannot stand this guy. He has some incredible linemates the last decade which is why his numbers are so inflated, but he is just a punk. At no point in his career was he even the best player on the Senators. Squirrely looking bitch. Thankfully the Senators are dumb enough to beleive that this spineless loser is capable of leading their team and I enjoy annually watching their disastrous results when it matters most. I also won't forget his cheap shot on Tucker or his stupid blatant slapshot at Scott Neidermayer in the Cup final. At least, after years of dodging and evading physicality, someone caught him in the trolley tracks and it was mantastic. For your viewing consideration:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=b59LxkvpW8Y
2) Bill Belichick - Bill Bellicheat, what a guy. No doubt a great coach and most of the Patriots success belongs to Tom Brady, but Bill has definately earned his keep. He gave himself and his franchise a black eye when he was caught spying on other teams and trying to steal their signals earlier this year, which is a deplorable act in the game of football. The problem I have with him is his visible lack of class. As far as I know, Belichick walked off the field after his perfect season was ruined by Tom Coughlin and the NY Football Giants, without shaking the other coaches hand. Just a classless move. The biggest problem I have with Bill is the outfit he wears to games. Back in the day Football coaches wore suits and made themselves look dignified and respectable. Since then coaches dress attire has laxed quite a bit but Belichick takes it to the extreme. Nowadays most coaches wear dress pants, their teams hat and a collared team shirt. Rain, shine, snow, boiling temps or comfortable dome weather, Belichick can be seen wearing trackpants and ugliest of all, he sports a dull, grey, sleeveless hoodie. He looks like a hobo. Have a look. http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2007/writers/peter_king/09/16/mmqb/p1_belichick.jpg
1) Michael Landsberg - I would love to punch this guy in the face. For more than a decade he has been the host of TSN's Off The Record, a daily sports talkshow. Everyday he shows up in the dumbest and worst sweaters I have ever seen. Cannot stand the man. He tries to look buddy buddy with the world's greatest athletes and asks the dumbest questions and their loathing for him is evident in the way they look at him. He laughs off his dumb questions trying to pass them as jokes when they dont go over well. What an idiot.
People to Shake Hands with:
5) Josh Hamiliton - Has an incredible comeback story that I won't repeat, but watching him last night take a dump on Bobby Abreu's record's chest was awesome. He seems humble and just a cool guy.
4) Alexander Ovechkin - The guy is hilarious and incredibly talented. That is all.
3) Michael Wilbon - Very funny dude and has a wide variety of sports knowledge. Heard from an account recently that he's a good guy and will talk to the average james if you call him up. Plus im dying to ask him if Kornheiser really watches American Idol
2) Mats Sundin - Arguably the greatest player to ever sport the Blue and White. It will be a long time before anybody breaks his T.O. records. As well, i have heard from various accounts that he is a great guy and fame has not made him an asshole. As well, Mats has kept his private life out of the tabloids and steers clear of controversy. He is a model athlete and gives generously to the community.
1) Peyton Manning - Hands down put on the best performance on Saturday Night Live of any athlete ever to attempt. 1000x better than Tom Brady for sure. Peyton appears to be a good guy and just seems like one of the funniest people to meet. And he is also very good at his craft. Here's Peyton being funny:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=G5bsx9vx-CE
People to punch in the face:
5. Vince Carter:
I can understand the fact that Carter was frustrated in Toronto. I can also understand the fact that he wanted to be traded. However that in no way excuses the way he acted leading up to his departure from the Raptors. Openly talking smack about the organization, and consistantly whining to the media about how you want out.. not classy Vince. Worst of all was how he took out his personal frustrations on the rest of the franchise and the fans. This is a man who has no concept of what it means to honour a contract or a commitment. Even though the Raps recieved the equivlient of a pile of trash in exchange for him, getting rid of Vince was one of the best moves the franchise ever made, not only for the future of the team, but for the sanity of the fans.
4. Gary Bettman
This little prick is a total slime ball. He hates Canada, and under his reign has made it his mission to Americanize Canada's game. Granted, there are millions of Americans who love hockey. Franchises in northern US cities have great fan bases and inspire love and affection. But no one cares about hockey in the southern states. Anyone who kids them selves into thinking otherwise is a moron. Not only has Bettman used his tenure to add six teams to markets that have no interest in the sport whatsoever, and cram hockey down the throats of people who want nothing to do with it, he has blocked several attempts to bring defunct teams to Canada.
Chances are we will never see a team in Winnipeg again as long as Bettman is around.
3. Cristiano Ronaldo:
This pampered pretty boy is the epitamy of everything that is wrong with soccer. First and foremost I consider him the ambassador of diving world wide. Not only is the definition of the word pussy, but he has absolutely zero class. He isn't a team player, he loves to show boat, and he believes the entire world revolves around him. He is an absolute disgrace to Manchester United. The Red Devils are the greatest club in the world, and he has no place among their ranks.
Internationally he also represents the dirtiest and most underhanded country in FIFA. That being said, he can't totally be blamed for his love affair with diving, considering he was raised in a country that not only condones such diplorable behaviour, but celebrates it.
Still, in my opinion, him and anyone who thinks he's a great player needs to get their face bashed in.
2. Kobe Bryant:
I still can't believe Kobe has the audacity to compare him self to Jordan. Anyone else who encourages this loser by making the same comparison also deserves a swift kick in the teeth. He may have impressive numbers, but thats not all it takes to be a great ball player. Michael Jordan wasn't just a phenom on the court, he was a class act all around. He loved the Chicago Bulls, loved his fans, and was a great person off the court. More then anything he was a great role model.
Kobe Bryant is not a role model. Kobe Bryant is a sex offender.
1. Todd Bertuzzi:
I wouldn't even do Todd Bertuzzi the honour of punching him in the face. I'd punch him in the back of the head when he wasn't looking.
Nuff said.
People to shake hands with.
5. Michael Jordan:
Would school Kobe Bryant one on one in his prime. Space Jam was a great movie too.
4. Gordie Howe:
Mr. Hockey is the greatest Detroit Red Wing of all time. In addition to being a force of nature on the ice he was always a hard worker and a respectful player.
Apparently hes one of the nicest guys ever too. He used to have a time share in the same complex as my Grandmother in Florida. She would always run into him collecting shells on the beach. Way to keep it real Gordie.
3. Bill Russell:
One of the greatest defensive basketball players ever. Pride of the Boston Celtics. His legacy endures even today, as he has become a role model to Kevin Garnette, who is walking in his footsteps.
2. Babe Ruth
The only juice the Bambino needed didn't come in a needle, it came in a bottle. This man made history drunk out of his mind. What a guy.
1. Sean Avery
He may be a total jerkoff, but you can't help but laugh at his antics. Not exactly the eptiamy of class, but he knows his place in the world of hockey. The Dallas Stars are lucky to have a pest like him their corner.
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